Yay, insomnia!
This is a little different than my normal political rants, but I can't sleep and I've got something on my mind, so here goes.
As Ren gets closer to being three, and as Erik and I prepare to start trying for a second child, I find myself more and more conflicted about continuing to nurse. It's not that I'm leaning more towards weaning, it's more that both the pros and cons are getting weightier.
For reference, I don't nurse Ren that much. She's cut way down in the last 6 months or so. We night-weaned (for my sanity) at around 18 months. We stopped nursing in public for the most part when she was around two, and now we don't do it at all. That pretty much went hand in hand with other forms of modesty. I've started feeling uncomfortable even nursing at other people's homes, although it does depend quite a bit on the person. So now it's pretty much just sometimes when we're hanging out at home in the morning, or right before bed. But she's showing no signs of wanting to stop entirely.
Before having Ren, I was one of those women who said that once my kids could eat food (or ask to nurse, or pull up my shirt), there'd be no reason to continue to nurse. Ha! Boy, was I ever wrong!
Once I realized what a boob-hog I had, I swung the other the direction. Child-led weaning FTW! I'd just let her stop when she was ready, right? After all, it's perfectly natural to breastfeed well into early childhood, right?
Well, I still believe that (and here's a really great article by Kathy Dettwyler that offers compelling evidence). But, gosh, she's getting so big. She's not a toddler, anymore; she's really a little girl. And I can't imagine she's going to give it up on her own any time soon, but sometimes I look down at her and it does seem a little strange.
I'd like to believe that I'm not being influenced by other people's opinions, that I'm only taking my needs and Ren's needs into account. But I don't think that's entirely true. Because we live in a culture where nursing a 2 year old is rare, and nursing a 3 year old is often seen as downright sick. So far I've been blessed with an army of friends and family who have been supportive of extended nursing. But I'm starting to feel that support subtly dry up, although that may be just paranoia or projection on my part.
It's always been vitally important to me to follow Ren's cues. It is my instinct to do so, and without that instinct I would have been utterly lost for the past (almost) three years. I believe that by following Ren's cues about things like breastfeeding, sleep, food, etc., Erik and I have been very successful in raising a happy, caring, curious, secure, boisterous little girl. It is my instinct that if were to try to wean Ren soon, even gently, it would be extremely painful for her, and it might cause undue strain on her relationship with me. It is such a haven for her.
But I'm not sure. Maybe she's ready, and all she needs is a little nudge.
I certainly don't want to wait until I'm very pregnant, or worse, have a new baby, because I really don't want her to connect weaning with the new baby in any way. I will not be able to deny her that comfort if I'm offering it to her sibling.
So, it seems like it's gotta be now, or much later. But I don't know, I don't know...
I'm going to have to figure it out soon, aren't I?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Also possible that when the new baby arrives nursing will become "a baby thing" and she won't want to. I say follow your instincts--knowing how hard that can be.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe she'll think your milk tastes weird while you're pregnant. So I don't think you should wean her out of fear that she'll go on forever. Whatever you decide, you KNOW that Ren will be just fine and the two of you will figure it all out as you go. :-)
ReplyDeletei read this a while ago and i'm FINALLY getting a chance to comment! (we should really hang out soon, by the way.)
ReplyDeletestill nursing oskar. he was really REALLY close to weaning before olive was born. i wasn't ready to wean him when i found out i was pregnant and i heard from my sister that tandem nursing really helped the sibling rivalry (she's got four kids and they were each born about two years apart).
and it did help when olive was born. oskar still had his special mommy time and it helped soothe him, especially since his daycare closed two weeks after olive's arrival, which added a ton of stress to life.
he did, however, remember ALL OVER AGAIN remember how awesome nursing was when my milk came in. he was unstoppable. obviously i'd not really had milk for quite some time and it was like christmas every day for him.
what's really tough, however, is not nursing two different children, it's those times where he really doesn't want to wait and i make the bold and really stressful attempt to nurse both at the very same time.
never knowing when i'd actually get pregnant again (kind of thinking i wouldn't because it never happened easily since i hit my 30s), i didn't put any thought into weaning before pregnancy. if i had a crystal ball, however, i'd have weaned a good six months before getting pregnant.
holy hell, this is a long comment! time for me to go nurse a baby!