1) Our bodies can't keep up with our culture
Our bodies were designed to function perfectly in a culture and environment that no longer exists. There are a few of ways in which this problem manifests itself, but the one which is germane (I've used that word TWICE today!) to this topic is the fact that our bodies now become sexually mature a full ten years or so before we become socially mature. For the vast majority of human history, young people became sexually mature at roughly the same time that they entered into social maturation: a young woman became capable of childbirth at roughly the same time she was expected to get married, in her mid-teens. In our current culture, however, young women are hitting puberty at younger and younger ages and putting off having kids later and later. There is this widening gap between sexual maturation and the age at which it is wise to have children. Even "young" mothers who get married and have their babies in their early twenties have about a five year gap. Which is why I'm surprised that "pro-life" and "abstinence only" seem to go together so often. It seems so impractical. You really expect the vast majority of American women to remain abstinent for five to ten years after their sexual maturity? It has never been a problem before, because women didn't wait so long to have babies before. But in the society we live in now, a woman severely limits her financial, educational and professional choices if she opts to have children in her mid-teens or early twenties. I'm not saying abstinence is BAD, not at all. I have the utmost respect for young adults who make that choice for themselves. But expecting ALL young adults to be willing and able to live up to that standard is preposterous, to be honest. So it seems to me like practical people who understand human biology should support some kind of reproductive rights...
2) Let's stop fighting and try to support women and babies instead
As I said earlier, I am conflicted about abortion. I don't know that I could ever have one myself, even in the case of rape. I am happy, however, that I get to make that choice for myself. I also realize that I have been lucky enough to be well-educated and well-loved by supportive family and friends, and that this is not true for every woman or girl. Probably because I am conflicted, it really irks me that the debate is so polarized. I honestly wish we lived in a world where no one had to make that awful choice; so why can't we work together to make that world? I would be much happier to see abortion made illegal if we lived in a country where high-quality birth control was readily available to everyone, preferably for free; where high-quality childcare and early childhood education were affordable; where adoption was easier; where quality choices in prenatal care and childbirth were affordable and accessible; where all single parents who were willing to work could make a living wage for their families. Anyone who really cares about reducing the number of abortions in this country should focus their efforts on health care reform and workers' rights. Maybe I'm naive, but I firmly believe that most women who have a choice, a real choice, would choose to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term.
A few bonus thoughts, since Erik is too busy right now to proofread this:
I find it extremely disingenuous when people 1) claim they are not homophobic and don't hate homosexuals; 2) support abstinence only programs and; 3) do not support gay marriage. I see: they don't HATE gay people, they just don't think they should have sex. Ever. Never, ever.
I hate it when people say "pro-abortion" instead of "pro-choice." Like, no one is pro-abortion. Seriously. OK, maybe some seriously twisted people, but the great majority of people who believe in a woman's right to choose still do not think abortion is some great thing. They're not all, "Yay! Abortion! Woot!" So stop being a jerk.
I also get irritated by the pro-life billboards that proclaim "My heart was beating 18 days from conception!" and then show a picture of a six month old. You know why they show a picture of a six month old? Because six month old babies are cute and 18 day old embryos are not. They don't even look human. They look like this:
I think about this all the time as an aspiring doula and adoptee...
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of what you've written here...although I will add that if I were, God forbid, to be raped, I don't think I would have any qualms about taking the morning-after pill. As someone who was likely conceived under circumstance of rape or sexual assault, I've come to terms with what that means in my life...but I honestly don't know that I could make the same decision my birth mother made. It's an incredible burden to place on a child. I know, it happens all the time, and sometimes the child may not ever know about it, but still.
I also realized, as I read this post, how much being in a long-term committed relationship (in my case, marriage), has slightly changed my views on abortion. At the risk of sounding shallow, I think that the scenario of being married, then raped, then having a baby and raising it as my own would be an intensely challenging one. The alternative, of placing the baby for adoption, is something that I would have to think long and hard about.
That aside, I agree that abortion should not really be used as a convenient form of birth control. Women who come in for second and third abortions need better health care and access to good birth control.
And then, the whole issue of terminating pregnancies because of medical conditions...that's even trickier. Severe neural tube defects, or anencephaly are fatal...is there a point to carrying that pregnancy to term? When does risk to the mother's health supercede the health of the fetus? Or, vice versa?
Kate, I'm taking a 40 hour phone line advocate training over the next few weeks, and I'm really excited to learn more about abortion and how to support women who are needing non-judgmental support. I'm sure that new thoughts will emerge from that experience, and I may be coming back with more comments...
Yay, Kate!
ReplyDeleteI've been on sort of a tear lately, and that lifenews thing set me off something awful. It wasn't even as much being called a pro-abort, as the fact that they claimed I never condemned statutory rape, and then refused to link to my article where I repeatedly condemned statutory rape.
Abortion is especially hard for me to write about now, 8 months post miscarriage and 3 months into a new pregnancy. But I like to think we live in a world where everyone agrees that 13 year olds should not be forced to try to self abort with a pencil because they can't access a safe abortion, or that if IVF couples do end up aborting after months and years of time and expense trying to conceive, we can trust that they had very good, likely medical reasons for it, and didn't just decide on a whim once they were pregnant that they didn't want to be pregnant, two big audacities that I have been forced to write about this week. I likely could never have an abortion myself either, unless there was something so damaged with this child that it would cause it pain to come to birth. But I can't make that decision for everyone, and would never dream of trying to do so.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, ladies. I agree with everything both of you said :)
ReplyDeleteLena - I agree that it would be a long, hard decision if I conceived as a result of rape, and I hope I did not come off as flip about it. I know you have a deeper insight into the matter than I do, and I had not fully considered the burden on the child (you have dealt with that burden with such strength, honesty and grace). My gut instinct is that it would be difficult for me to abort a KNOWN pregnancy, but that the morning-after pill might be an easier choice. I really look forward to your continued insights and opinions as you do your training!
Robin - I'm going to go read your article now. As I mentioned on Facebook, those people at Lifenews are obviously schmucks: they have a narrative about you that they want to tell, and such inconvenient things as the truth don't seem to concern them. I hope you and your family are well. Much love!